Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
