dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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