did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
