So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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