I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
