Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
