You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
