lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Two words: blizzard sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
