He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
