why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
