A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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