he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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