Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
