i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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