i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
