I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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