i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
