Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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