we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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