I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
