Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
