I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
