Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
