so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
