im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
