Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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