I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
