hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
