So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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