Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
