he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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