i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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