Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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