you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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