Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
