You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
