and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
