hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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