Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
