To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
