In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
