I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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