I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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