omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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