god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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