this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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