She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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