jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
