I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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