omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
