i don't like sucking hair
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
