Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
