I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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