No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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