I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
