Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
