even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
