She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
