i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
