my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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