i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
