I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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