Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
