Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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