so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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