what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
