btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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