I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
