bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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