Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
