Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
