My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
