gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
