Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
