Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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