come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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