Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
