Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
