She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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